Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
