he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
