i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
