apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A+ Viking dick
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