I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
