i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
