You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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