I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
PANTIES FOUND
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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