so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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