Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish there were birth control emojis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
