Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
