You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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