I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
