I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
