I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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