barbara walters just said penis...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
