Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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