i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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