"it" just moved
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
