i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
