her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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