Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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