I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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