So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize