I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
