We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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