FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
