Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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