I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
