He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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