I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
