Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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