I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
