My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
