just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
