i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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