Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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