She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
