The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
