I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
