I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
