went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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