So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
