if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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