And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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