apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
