How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
