I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
