Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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