I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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