So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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