You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
