I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
