I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize