I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
