By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
