Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
