I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
