first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
