Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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