Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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