I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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