I can text with my tongue
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
