she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
