It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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