how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
